He’s Fallen In The Water

Every now and then you have to put your hand in the mouth of the machine. Take something that worked just fine, and mess with it. If this involves a many headed hydra… and thus many hands…  such as British Telecom (BT/Openreach) – then – well – I can confirm there ARE Dragons.

This week saw the coming of my second promise date for install. It’s great being able to see the BT (Openreach) engineer’s notes on a circuit given my line of work. When I say great I see the date get posted, and magically disappear again. The same occurred a week later.

Come go live day I get ready to switch my kit from ADSL to VDSL and things are just not right. Notes don’t say completed – in fact they deny all knowledge of the go live date. #winning.

Having spent an entire evening on a five minute job, I was ‘overjoyed’ the next day to find a BT engineer turning up at the house, with the news that he finished at five the day before (before me, before my evening spent trying to figure out why-o-why-for-the-love-of-god-is-it-not-working) but had not found the fault between the street cabinet and the home (FTTC / Fibre To The Cabinet).

Having contained my inward narrative like nuclear testing under a desert I set about heading into work (now late)… but before I departed checked out what he was up to. What he was up to was pouring water out of connection box that housed a bundle of cables.

Three clips off mate” apparently – three of the six clips that clearly keep the seals in place around this bundle of joy. Now an even more dishevelled birds nest of thin solid core wires, clear connectors, rammed full of verdigris.

Apparently this is a BAD thing for them. Bad for the connections, and bad for the engineer last in that chamber. He explained how it was a disciplinary thing if that had been audited. Equally he gave the impression that he *was* going to find out, and thank them warmly by the throat. But hey, the sun was out, it was not raining, cold, or windy, for his mornings worth of un f*cking that bundle of joy.

To follow was being blindsided by none other than Erwin Schrödinger  an unexpected  “this really should not have been working at all ADSL or phone to be fair.”

Blinking by this point like the troubled boss of Inspector Clouseau at this point… I made my way in to the office. FRESH and FULL OF THE JOYS OF SPRING to face the onslaught of the day.

It was now apparent that the underground network of chambers and pipes form an excellent waterway. A great way to help with drainage. Supplementary storm drain if not sewer. Nightmare. You would imagine there would be soak away gravel beds below the chambers… but apparently not. This one was like a swimming pool…. as he poured water from the shell like you would from an unfortunate incident with a Wellington boot.

You live, you learn.

It almost goes without saying that I am still without connectivity… and particularly unwilling to piss away more time on it.

So… about those upgrades. Jump in. The water is fine!

*mutter*

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